Although a churchgoing Christian, for many years I had secret addictions, sex and primarily, drugs. What I have learned is that instead of depending on my own power , I learned to be filled (continually as Ephesians 5:18 teaches) with the power of The Holy Spirit. That is where I found my Victory. Halleluyah! It was not until I finally admitted defeat and began to humbly walk with the True and Living God, the Creator of heaven and earth and all living things, that I began to experience freedom. I know without a doubt that there are many others like myself who are struggling with addiction; perhaps drugs, perhaps gambling, perhaps sex or even abuse. Take it from me hope is available. Call on Jesus. Yes, you may need rehab but consider it a blessing, a start to your freedom.. Might I suggest that you also confide in someone you trust (I confided in Pastor Chuck Smith) and use a facility that is led by Christ. I pray this will bless you. Don’t beat yourself up. Besides, God Almighty already knows. Nothing is hidden from Him. He loves and values you. You are His treasure !
Do not get drunk with wine, for that is wickedness (corruption, stupidity), but be filled with the [Holy] Spirit and constantly guided by Him. Ephesians 5:18